Episode 22: Time Cube

[SCENE I. SARAH and MELISSA’s house. PAST MELISSA is sitting on the couch, while FUTURE MELISSA digs through a box of stuff. SARAH is looking between the two of them, looking either troubled or puzzled–possibly both.]

SARAH: So you’re from the past.

PAST MELISSA: 2012. I got kidnapped by some skeleton king–

FUTURE MELISSA: Which I remember–

PAST MELISSA: And then stepped through a portal and wound up in the future.

FUTURE MELISSA: Which I don’t remember.

SARAH: It’s true. Right after the skeleton king thing you showed up at my barbecue with a headache and seemed really confused. (She seems about to say something else, but FUTURE MELISSA gives her a warning glance and she falls silent.)

FUTURE MELISSA: This does explain the dreams that night, though.


FUTURE MELISSA: I don’t want to spoil it. You’re going to have a blast.

PAST MELISSA: Unless I’m stuck here forever.

FUTURE MELISSA: Well, obviously you end up going back, otherwise how would I be here talking to you?

PAST MELISSA: Maybe there’s a paradox machine or something.

FUTURE MELISSA: Maybe. (She finds what she is looking for in the box, and tosses a fancy black cane at PAST MELISSA, who looks it over, vaguely puzzled.)

PAST MELISSA: What’s this?

FUTURE MELISSA: Gavin’s holding a time travel-themed party tonight. You are going, right?

PAST MELISSA: Oh. Uh, sure.

FUTURE MELISSA: Then you’ll need a costume. (She also tosses a masquerade-style mask at PAST MELISSA.)

PAST MELISSA: Did I mention that I was with Gavin in the crypt, before I came here?

FUTURE MELISSA: I was there, remember?

PAST MELISSA: Well, you don’t apparently remember being here, so I thought maybe–

FUTURE MELISSA: You thought I was too dumb to figure it out?

SARAH: Shut up! Both of you!

(The MELISSAE both look apologetic.)

SARAH: The point is it seems a bit weird that Gavin is throwing a time-travel party at the exact moment that he arrives from the past with you in tow.

FUTURE MELISSA: I guess that is a bit odd.

PAST MELISSA: Seems kind of in poor taste, really.

SARAH: Oh, come on. You’re the queen of poor taste. I’m pretty sure Xenakis is Greek for ‘poor taste.’

FUTURE MELISSA: . . . yeah, probably. Anyway, we should probably go figure out what this party is about. Seems like a very Gavin-is-making-bad-decisions thing to me.

SARAH: Exactly! So go help yourself get dressed.

(The MELISSAE give one another a look, shrug in unison, and proceed up the stairs, PAST MELISSA now walking reasonably well with her cane.)


[SCENE II. The Jaded Old Crone. The WIZARD is meeting PAST GAVIN, who has just arrived.]

PAST GAVIN: Sorry I’m late. Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.

WIZARD: Think nothing of it. I had arranged to be free this week. You weren’t quite clear on the details, but–

PAST GAVIN: Wait, what?

(FUTURE GAVIN arrives.)

FUTURE GAVIN: Sorry I’m late. It’s good to see you both. (He sits down.)

PAST GAVIN: Ah. So I suppose I’ve already filled you both in on the details, so to speak.

WIZARD: Yes. Shortly after you return to your own time you contact me and we make the necessary preparations to send you back home.

FUTURE GAVIN: And of course I remember the whole thing. I’ve arranged a party tonight that your Melissa will be at. It’s time-travel themed. I’ve still got that costume of the Tenth Doctor we wore for New Year’s 2012.

PAST GAVIN: What are you wearing?

FUTURE GAVIN: The Eleventh Doctor, obviously.

PAST GAVIN: Shouldn’t I be worried about creating a paradox or something?

WIZARD: If it lasted for much longer than a day there would be some serious strains on our timestream. But as it stands, reality itself isn’t going to break.

FUTURE GAVIN: It’s just going to make Portland even weirder for a while.

PAST GAVIN: Christ. Is there anything we can do to ameliorate the damage?

WIZARD: Well, there is one thing, but–

FUTURE GAVIN: What? You never mentioned this before.

WIZARD: I don’t like it. You’d have to make sure Melissa doesn’t remember anything from the future, and even then the difference would be pretty much negligible, and–

(FUTURE GAVIN and PAST GAVIN exchange a look.)

PAST GAVIN: I don’t want Melissa running around with any sort of knowledge of the future.

FUTURE GAVIN: That would be bad.

PAST GAVIN: What do you need us to do?

(The WIZARD sighs, and sets a purple and glowing potion on the table.)

WIZARD: Make sure she drinks this. She won’t remember a thing.

FUTURE GAVIN: So, hang on, this didn’t happen last time, did it?

WIZARD: Time can be rewritten. Don’t you watch Doctor Who?

FUTURE GAVIN: But I mean, everything apart from that is still basically like I remembered it. Is–

WIZARD: I’m starting to think maybe Melissa isn’t the one who needs to forget all his time travel experiences. (He rises.) If you gentlemen will excuse me. I have a portal to the open. (He departs.)

(The GAVINS exchange a look.)

FUTURE GAVIN: I think we offended him.

PAST GAVIN: He doesn’t know Melissa. She was under some sort of magic spell last time they met. This is important.

FUTURE GAVIN: All right. So, here’s the plan. Melissa is going to be in my bedroom when the portal opens. I can keep everyone else out. Then you go in there, convince her to drink the potion, and then lead her through the portal.

PAST GAVIN: Anything I need to know from last time?

FUTURE GAVIN: Well . . . (Hesitates, decides against saying whatever he was about to.) No, you’ll be fine. Come on, we’d better get back home. Big night tonight.


[SCENE III. MELISSA’s car. The MELISSAE are in the front seat; PAST MELISSA is wearing a black dress and masquerade mask. FUTURE MELISSA is driving. Both SARAH and FUTURE MELISSA still have their futuristic silvery jumpsuits.]

PAST MELISSA: What about Nicholas? Is he still around?

FUTURE MELISSA: He got back together with that crazy woman.

PAST MELISSA: Charlotte Corday?

FUTURE MELISSA: That’s the one. They’re currently in the ‘alienating all their friends’ stage of their relationship.

PAST MELISSA: Well, good for him he’s found someone he likes, I guess.

SARAH: (Leaning forward.) Oh yeah, weren’t you seeing him when the whole bony king of nowhere thing happened?

MELISSAE: (In unison.) No.

SARAH: Right. (She leans back, looking annoyed.)

PAST MELISSA: Aw, hey, small friend, I didn’t mean it like that.

FUTURE MELISSA: It’s just, you know how it is with me and Nicholas.

SARAH: Yeah, sorry.

PAST MELISSA: Don’t be! You’re still my favorite.

FUTURE MELISSA: But it’s not every day you get to meet yourself.

(They pull up to GAVIN’s house.)

SARAH: I get the distinct impression this is about to get weird.

(They get out of the car and walk towards the entrance.)



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