Episode 23: Doing The Time Warp

[SCENE I. GAVIN’s party. The MELISSAE and SARAH arrive, and are almost immediately ambushed by the WIZARD, who, depending on your perspective, is either not wearing a costume, or is wearing the same costume he’s always been wearing.]

WIZARD: There you are! I need to talk to you. Which one of you is from the past?

PAST MELISSA: Aren’t we all from the past, when you really think about it?

(SARAH points at PAST MELISSA and mouths “it’s her”.)

WIZARD: Excellent. Come with me. (He grabs her by the arm and drags her off.)

FUTURE MELISSA: I feel like I should be worried. Should I be worried?

SARAH: He’s a very nice wizard. I think you’ll be fine.

FUTURE MELISSA: I’d better be.

(FUTURE GAVIN approaches.)

FUTURE GAVIN: You made it! I was worried you might not show.

FUTURE MELISSA: Are you kidding? I’d show up twice if I could.


SARAH: So which one are you?


SARAH: Don’t play dumb.

FUTURE GAVIN: (To MELISSA.) Do you know what she’s talking about?

FUTURE MELISSA: Probably the fact that there’s two of you here?

(FUTURE GAVIN looks defeated.)

FUTURE GAVIN: I’m the one from this year. My past self isn’t showing his face, for obvious reasons.

(PAST MELISSA returns. She looks to have forgotten her injured ankle for the moment; she also looks very annoyed.)

PAST MELISSA: I need a drink.

FUTURE MELISSA: Obvious reasons, Gavin? I just gave my past self a mask.

FUTURE GAVIN: (Sighs.) I apparently didn’t consider that. You look good though, Melissa.

(PAST MELISSA stalks towards the kitchen, quickly followed by FUTURE MELISSA and SARAH. Once in the kitchen, she pours drinks for each of them.)

SARAH: So what did the wizard want?

PAST MELISSA: To help. Gavin’s going to try to trick me into drinking a potion that he thinks will keep me from remembering our little time travel excursion.

SARAH: He thinks?

PAST MELISSA: It’s actually to protect me from losing memory of it.

FUTURE MELISSA: But I did lose memory of it! I was there!

PAST MELISSA: Apparently not this time.

SARAH: Why does he want you to remember it this time?

PAST MELISSA: He didn’t say. I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

SARAH: But what if the gift horse is also a Trojan horse?(The MELISSAE give her a look.)What?

PAST MELISSA: In any case, the portal to the past apparently opens at about midnight. So we can enjoy ourselves until then.

FUTURE MELISSA: Where’s the portal going to be?

PAST MELISSA: Apparently I’ll know when it happens. He says everything is taken care of, because Gavin provided him with the intel on where we’d be, since he remembers it happening.


[SCENE II. The party, later. The MELISSAE are talking animatedly to one another when NICHOLAS approaches, with CHARLOTTE on his arm.]

FUTURE MELISSA: Well, look who decided to take a breather.

NICHOLAS: Good to see you too, Melissa. Who’s your friend?

FUTURE MELISSA: Oh, just a friend of Gavin’s.

NICHOLAS: You look like you’re getting on well.

FUTURE MELISSA: It turns out we have a lot in common.

CHARLOTTE: Yes, she even looks like you.

NICHOLAS: Yes, I wish you could see yourselves. It’s uncanny.

FUTURE MELISSA: Maybe there will be pictures on Facebook later.

NICHOLAS: Maybe. Anyway, excuse me. (He and CHARLOTTE depart. PAST GAVIN appears.)

FUTURE MELISSA: I thought you were supposed to be in hiding.

PAST GAVIN: I figured by now people are drunk enough they probably won’t notice if I’m careful. Anyway, I wanted to say hi to you two.(Beat.)Well, I say ‘two’ . . . .

PAST MELISSA: Hello, Gavin.

FUTURE MELISSA: She’s the one from your time.

PAST GAVIN: And I see your drinks are both empty! Shall I refresh you?

PAST MELISSA:(Rolls her eyes.)Sure, why not? We’ll be here.

(He departs, and returns a moment later, and hands each of them a drink.)

FUTURE MELISSA: Thanks, Gavin.

PAST GAVIN: Don’t mention it.

PAST MELISSA: (Taking a long drink.) So I hear you’re planning on poisoning my drink.


PAST MELISSA: Which is probably why this is kind of purple and glowy, yeah?

PAST GAVIN: Look, the wizard said–

PAST MELISSA:(Waves her hand irritably.)I don’t care what he said, Gavin. We’re supposed to be friends. You could have asked.

PAST GAVIN: Would you have said yes?

PAST MELISSA: I’m drinking it now, aren’t I? But it doesn’t matter! You don’t get to decide what happens in my head. (She finishes her drink.)

PAST GAVIN: Look, I’m sorry, all right?

FUTURE MELISSA: I think you’d better fuck off, Gavin.

PAST MELISSA: See you when the portal opens.

(PAST GAVIN slinks off. The MELISSAE exchange a look.)

PAST MELISSA: So, this party blows.

FUTURE MELISSA: Yeah. Want to, ah, find somewhere a bit quieter?

PAST MELISSA: It’s like you read my mind.

(They withdraw upstairs.)


[SCENE III. Outside GAVIN’s bedroom. FUTURE GAVIN seems to be standing watch. SARAH approaches him, looking worried.]

SARAH: Have you seen the Melissas? I’ve been looking everywhere for them for–

FUTURE GAVIN: No idea, sorry.

SARAH: Well, can you help me look? I’m supposed to–

FUTURE GAVIN: Just relax, Sarah.

(PAST GAVIN arrives, looking distracted. FUTURE GAVIN tries to give him a ‘don’t say anything’ gesture.)

PAST GAVIN: They in there yet?

FUTURE GAVIN: (Sighs.) Yes. They went in there about an hour ago. (He steps aside and tries to avoid a withering glare from SARAH.)

(SARAH and PAST GAVIN walk into the bedroom. One of the MELISSAE makes a startled sound, and there is an audible thud, as of someone rolling off the bed.)

FUTURE MELISSA: It’s not what it looks like.

(PAST GAVIN and SARAH walk in on the following scene: FUTURE MELISSA hastily rising from the bed, her hair a mess and her costume askew, as if she’s just hastily put it back on. PAST MELISSA’s mask is on the floor a few feet away. After a few moments, PAST MELISSA appears from behind the bed, back to the door, hastily zipping up the back of her dress. FUTURE MELISSA looks embarrassed.)

PAST GAVIN: Jesus Christ.

FUTURE MELISSA: We only came in here to get away from the noise.

PAST MELISSA: And then I was having some problems with my dress, which is kind of uncomfortable, so she was helping me with that, and–

FUTURE MELISSA: We may have gotten a bit . . . carried away, from there.

PAST GAVIN: I can see that.

SARAH: Wait, so you two were–


SARAH: That’s so adorable!

(At that moment, a glowing portal opens up in the closet. The MELISSAE look at it, then at each other.)

PAST MELISSA: Well, I guess this is it.

FUTURE MELISSA: I wish you didn’t have to go.

PAST MELISSA: Me, too. Take care of Sarah for me while I’m gone.

FUTURE MELISSA: I will. (PAST MELISSA gets up and makes her way towards the portal.)I love you!


(PAST MELISSA steps through the portal.)

PAST GAVIN: Not sure I want to know what just happened.

SARAH: Well, go on then, off you pop. 2012 is waiting for you.

(GAVIN sighs and walks through the portal, leaving SARAH and FUTURE MELISSA in the room.)

SARAH: So, how were you?

MELISSA: Amazing. (Beat.) Want to go home?

SARAH: Yeah, I think we’re done here.

(MELISSA gathers up some scattered clothing–a bra, her mask, etc–and heads for the door.)

MELISSA: Sorry if that was weird for you.

SARAH: No, it’s okay. I know sometimes you just need some “me” time.

(MELISSA cracks a smile, and they depart together.)



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