Episode 25: Here Comes The Sun

[SCENE I. MELISSA’s bedroom. It is dark outside, and she is asleep in bed. The door opens and MELINA enters, wearing a winter coat and hat, and shakes her sister awake.]MELISSA: Huh?

LINA: You’d better wake up.

MELISSA: It’s still dark out. (She sits up and stretches.) You’d better have a damn good reason for waking me up.

LINA: It’s still dark out, and it’s noon.

MELISSA: What?

(LINA shows MELISSA her phone.)

MELISSA: You’re sure that doesn’t mean midnight?

LINA: Well, we got home at about 2 am.

MELISSA: Maybe I was asleep for . . . 22 hours.

LINA: Unlikely. Anyway, my phone’s on 24-hour time, so midnight is all zeroes.

MELISSA: You’re all zeroes. (She rubs her eyes.) Shit. So why hasn’t the sun come up?

LINA: Maybe we’ve angered the sun god.

MELISSA: Didn’t we just have a wild solstice party?

LINA: Technically it was an apocalypse party.

MELISSA: Oh, right. (Beat.) So basically, we threw the wrong type of party so the sun will never rise again?

LINA: Well, look at it like this. Say your friends threw an awesome party for your birthday every year.

MELISSA: Which they really should.

LINA: Then one year your friends say they’re tired of throwing your birthday parties on your birthday, so they’re throwing a party celebrating some bullshit conspiracy theory instead.

MELISSA: Oh.

LINA: And they don’t invite you.

MELISSA: That’s harsh.

LINA: Yeah.

MELISSA: So basically we have to throw an even cooler party with no notice and get a bunch of people who are already hungover to come celebrate.

LINA: Unless you have a better idea, yeah.

MELISSA: Ritual sacrifices? You’d make a great–

LINA: You aren’t sacrificing me to the sun god.

MELISSA: Please?

LINA: No.

MELISSA: But you’re basically the most superfluous person in town. I mean, we already have one of me, and you’re basically an inferior copy.

LINA: No. Anyway, I’m pretty sure the traditional sacrifice is, like, a pig or something.

MELISSA: Do we have a pig?

LINA: No.

MELISSA: You’re not being very helpful.

LINA: Your mom’s not being very helpful. (Beat.) Anyway, how about this. You get dressed, then call up your gothy friend and tell her to get her ass over here.

MELISSA: Why do I have to get dressed for that?

LINA: Uh, I guess you don’t have to. You just look like shit. I figured you’d want to.

MELISSA: I hate you.

LINA: Meanwhile, I’m going to the store. If it hasn’t been picked clean by apocalypse cultists.

MELISSA: You’ll still go even if it has, you just won’t get anything.

LINA: Okay, fair point. (Beat.) Till then! (She leaves. MELISSA sighs and, with a great effort, gets out of bed and begins searching for her towel among the piles of clothes on the floor.)

 

[SCENE II. A clearing on a hill outside of town. CELESTE, KELLY, MELISSA, and LINA have piled up a lot of logs. KELLY is working on starting a fire.]

CELESTE: You brought the sausages, Lina?

LINA: Hell yeah. I love sausage parties. (She produces a large quantity of sausages from her bag.)

CELESTE: Great. Hopefully that works.

(KELLY gets the fire going.)

CELESTE: So I think the best way to do this will be to dance around the fire for a little bit while chanting and hollering, then roasting some sausages and eating them, possibly followed by more dancing and chanting.

KELLY: Can we bang on pots and pans and things?

CELESTE: . . . sure, why not?

KELLY: Sweet. (She produces some pans and hands them out.)

CELESTE: And before you ask, Melissa, no, this is not naked dancing.

MELISSA: I wasn’t going to ask.

CELESTE: You always ask.

MELISSA: Man, fuck that. It’s cold out here.

(CELESTE sighs.)

LINA: So, the chanting–

CELESTE: Oh, it’s more for the noise and general atmosphere than anything. Needs to sound like a wild midwinter pagan revel.

LINA: Uh, okay.

(Long pause.)

CELESTE: So, shall we?

(A hideous cacophony follows, featuring dancing, banging on pots, and various occult-sounding chanting and hollering. Eventually CELESTE stops next to LINA and speaks over the din.)

CELESTE: You can go ahead and start cooking those sausages now.

LINA: All right. (She puts some sausages in the pan KELLY gave her and holds them over the fire. It begins to sizzle. Eventually the others follow suit and the hideous cacophony dies down. For a long time there is no sound except the sizzle of various sausages.)

MELISSA: So, how do we know if it worked?

CELESTE: When the sun comes up, I think.

MELISSA: When will that happen?

LINA: About sunrise, I imagine.

MELISSA: When is that?

LINA: When the sun comes up, usually.

MELISSA: Do you know when that will be?

LINA: Just after dawn.

MELISSA: So–

KELLY: Does anyone want a sausage? I think mine are done.

(She distributes them. Another silence follows.)

CELESTE: It occurs to me that early evening is probably not a good time to be sitting out in the wilderness waiting for the sun to come up.

KELLY: Actually, it kind of looks like the sky’s getting lighter in the east.

(They look.)

CELESTE: It does, kind of.

(They watch for a while longer. The eastern sky is definitely beginning to show signs of dawn.)

KELLY: I can’t remember the last time I actually watched a sunrise.

MELISSA: I can’t remember the last time I was actually awake for a sunrise.

 

(They watch in silence for a while longer. Eventually MELINA produces a flask, takes a swig, and wordlessly hands it around.)

LINA: I’m officially cold. Can we go home?

CELESTE: Probably best wait.

(They continue watching. Eventually the sun appears over the horizon.)

LINA: To answer your question, Lissa, sunrise is apparently at exactly 6:43 pm now.

MELISSA: . . . that’s probably not a good thing.

LINA: Nope.

(They watch the sunrise for a few moments longer.)

CELESTE: All right, let’s head back. (Beat.) I humbly suggest that nobody mention that we’re the reason the sun is rising at night now.

LINA: That is . . . probably wise.

MELISSA: Yeah.

KELLY: Sounds good.

(They begin hiking down the hill.)

 

[SCENE III. SARAH and MELISSA’s house. MELINA and MELISSA are watching the news, which features headlines like ‘ASTRONOMERS BAFFLED’ and ‘CONGRESS TO CREATE NEW TIMEZONES’.]

MELISSA: So, lesson learned. Always celebrate solstice.

LINA: I don’t know, completely fucking up the entire world’s sleep schedule is kind of satisfying.

MELISSA: It’d get old after the first few times.

LINA: . . . yeah, true.

MELISSA: Still. Not many people can say they completely broke the sunrise.

LINA: Fuck yeah?

MELISSA: Fuck yeah.

(FIN.)

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