[SCENE I. MELISSA is eating dinner with THE COLONEL in his private dining room. None of the others seem to be present.]
THE COLONEL: Where are your friends?
MELISSA: (This sounds rather rehearsed.) Sarah was feeling ill, so Lina’s looking after her.
THE COLONEL: I see. I could show you to the infirmary later, if–
MELISSA: Oh, no, I’m sure it’ll be fine. Sarah doesn’t want to bother anyone. You know how it is.
THE COLONEL: I suppose. (A moment’s pause.) In any case, I was meaning to ask–
(One of the island’s guards rushes into the room.)
GUARD: Colonel! The labyrinth is breached! The sirens are escaping!
THE COLONEL: But that’s impossible!
GUARD: Also I have stuffed wax in my ears in accordance with our regulations so I cannot hear what you have to say, but if you just said “that’s impossible” I would respectfully like to point out that the available evidence appears to contradict your assumption! Furthermore, I would submit that you may wish to apply some beeswax for yourself! (He offers THE COLONEL a lump of beeswax, salutes, then withdraws.)
THE COLONEL: It must have been those ‘friends’ of yours.
MELISSA: (Manages to avoid choking on her food.) Mm?
THE COLONEL: That Sophie Swanson. Your sister told me she was trouble, but I never dreamed–
MELISSA: Ah, yes. She’s . . . she’s a wily one. Anyway, what are you going to do?
THE COLONEL: You must get a message to your father. Inform him the sirens have escaped. I’ll hold them off for as long as I can.
THE COLONEL: This is my solemn duty, Melissa. Go. I’ll return when I can. (He puts the beeswax in his ears and runs off. MELISSA sighs and grabs her cell phone.)
MELISSA: Yeah, change of plans. We’re going home. Meet me at the boat.
[SCENE II. SOPHIE and GAVIN’s cell. SOPHIE is pacing and ranting; GAVIN is asleep on the bed, apparently with beeswax stuck in his ears. Suddenly, a beautiful song can be heard from outside.]
SOPHIE: Oh, what is that wonderful noise? (She hurries to the window and peers out. GAVIN slumbers on.) Sirens! Of course! Leave it to Xenakis to imprison such a beautiful creature. Gavin! (She hurries over and shakes him awake.)
SOPHIE: I figured it out!
SOPHIE: Melissa’s evil scheme!
SOPHIE: Take your damn beeswax out.
SOPHIE: Oh, never mind. (She goes back to the window.) Sirens! Set me free!
[SCENE III. The Regret. MELISSA, LINA, and SARAH are all aboard, the latter two with wax in their ears.]
MELISSA: The best part about this, of course, is I can make fun of you both and you won’t know what I’m saying.
LINA: I can read your lips, you know.
MELISSA: I’ll look away.
LINA: I can usually tell what you’re saying just by looking at your body language.
MELISSA: I hate you.
(They begin to sail off into the distance. MELISSA is singing a sea shanty rather loudly, apparently enjoying the inability of her companions to hear. The others watch on; LINA looks annoyed, SARAH looks to be enjoying herself. Without warning, a SIREN lands on the deck in front of MELISSA and begins to sing. Though the melody is recognizable as the same one we heard earlier, it sounds like it’s gradually going off-key.)
MELISSA: It’s not going to work, you know.
SIREN: But why?
MELISSA: A wizard did it. What do you want? My friend set you free.
SIREN: The Swanson tells us that it is you who held us prisoner in the first place. You smell like our first captor.
MELISSA: Well, the shower facilities on Desolation Island are a bit sub-par. But what do you want?
SIREN: Revenge! You held us–
MELISSA: Well, your magical powers don’t work. Are you just going to talk me to death?
(The SIREN rises up to her full height and bares some vicious claws. She takes wing and advances on MELISSA, only to be kicked out of the sky by MELINA. The SIREN lands in the water and goes under.)
LINA: So, my beloved sister. You should take me to see your wizard friend.
(The Regret sails off.)
[SCENE IV. Desolation Island. The COLONEL and a handful of GUARDS are escaping in a boat, along with GAVIN; SOPHIE, and several other GUARDS, stand around with the various SIRENs.]
SIREN: Our scouts report that the Xenakis has escaped.
SOPHIE: She’s always had ridiculous luck. But it can’t hold. Not with all of us here.
SIREN: And all the resources of Desolation Island. The Xenakis kept us imprisoned here for many years, but now we have won our freedom. Today her reign of terror ends.
[SCENE V. MELISSA and SARAH’s house, in the dining room. They are eating dinner with the WIZARD.]
WIZARD: While I do enjoy spending time with you ladies, I do find myself wondering if perhaps you had an ulterior motive in asking me over here.
SARAH: Well, I may have unleashed a horde of vengeful sirens on Portland.
MELISSA: It’s totally her fault.
WIZARD: Ah. (Beat.) And I suppose you want my protection.
MELISSA: Well, I’m immune. The others, not so much.
WIZARD: I will see what I can do. The sirens represent a very grave threat. (He sighs and takes a sip of his coffee.) It’s going to be a long night.